I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
