I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
