My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
