He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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