Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
