also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
