Someone shit on the floor
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
