The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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