mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
