help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
