You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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