Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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