Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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