I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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