In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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