I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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