Redeem this text for a blowjob
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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