so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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