woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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