it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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