the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
