Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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