i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
