Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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