8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
