never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
