Plan B is the new Plan A
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
