She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
