I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
