All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
