I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
