You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
