Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
