I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
