So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
