too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
