the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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