How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
only you would photoshop your dick
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
