I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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