Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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