i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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