I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
