you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
