and she was petting her beer can
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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