Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
