why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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