Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
