Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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