dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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