That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
