She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
