Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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