Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
