At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
