They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
