Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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