if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
