stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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