when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
